Saying "You Stink" in Christianese

Christian Authors are simply of a different breed than most others. They are in many ways, masochistic in their chosen profession. They choose to write books knowing that a very select group of people would actually read them, on topics that most nominal Christians would ever truly care about. I mean "The Theology of B.B. Warfield: A Systematic Study" isn't exactly destined for NY BestSeller status, if you know what I mean. Not only that, but those who actually DO read their books usually find some ways to criticize their written statements in ways that would destroy most common people's sensitivities. It would almost appear to be that if you aren't called a heretic, a bigot, a poor scholar of scripture, a person who is trying to please the world, a person who is out of touch with the world, or ignorant.....well then you havn't done your job correctly.

So it comes at no surprise that when a Christian writer comes under fire form ANOTHER Christian writer, the gloves come off and they are ready to brawl, theology style. And the hilarity ensues.

This is what I found in a book that I've been reading called "The Genesis Debate", which is an overview of the three most popular views on how God created the world.

1. 24-Hour View- God created the world in 7 24-Hour Days (Written By Duncan and Hall)
2. Day-Age View- God created the world in 6 long periods of time, with the 7th day being continued on (Written by Ross and Gleason)
3. Framework View- The writer of Genesis 1 did not mean to give a chronological treatment of Creation, rather, give a literary framework to demonstrate God as the Creator King. (Written by Irons and Kline)

But really, the funnier sides of this comes in the way they bash on each other by making the most use of their Thesaurus and Dictionary. I have written down their responses, and the translation in italics for what they would be saying if they had the vocabulary of a 7-year-old. This should be fun!

"As would be expected, then, Duncan and Hall's attempts to critique the framework interpretation reflect an inadequate grasp of our position."

Translation: Duncan and Hall are doo-doo-heads!

"Strangely, when Duncan and Hall finally do come close to citing our actual arguments, they still do not understand them properly and fail to give anything approaching a satisfying response"

Translation (Sung in the tune of Ring around the Rosy): Duncan and Hall are dummmmmmmies, Duncan and Hall are dummmmmmmies.

(Duncan and Hall's Response): "From the responses and their own essays later in this volume, it appears that either the Framework team has nearly convinced the day-age team of its position or vice versa. Marriage Invitations may go out soon, announcing the formal union [between the Framework and Day-Age Views]"

Translation: Framework and Day-Age Sitting in a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

(Day-Age Reply to 24-Hour): "Human interactions are wonderfully enriched- and complicated- by the interplay of intellectual and emotion......Our debate with Duncan and Hall, by contrast, seems less promising. "

Translation: I don't wannna play with Duncan and Hallllllll!! They are meanie heads!!!

"We simply charge them for failing to consider the logical implications of their young-earth interpretation of nature and Scripture"

Translation: I know you are, but what am I?