Break-Up

To the book "Christ and the Prophets":

Look, there's just no easy way to say this. See.....where do I begin. I mean........I really like you. You have alot of nice things to say and we get along just fine. I mean, you're so easy to listen to, you are reasonably sized, and I feel like I can read you like a book.

I mean, we've had some great times together! Remember that time in Chapter 9 when we talked about Joel? You know, where you showed me the "Day of the Covenant Lord". Those were great times. And remember when I mistook you for one of my systematic theology books? Lol. Wow that was embarassing.

But the sad thing is...well, how do I say it. You demand so much of me. Like a 12 page interaction reading report.... due tomorrow. And to be honest that's really not what I was looking for when I got in this. How can you expect me to enjoy our time together when you set all these demands on our relationship? It's like you don't even care sometimes. You just keep a blank face with your spine turned backed to me. You don't even talk back when I ask you questions. Quite frankly, I don't think you're quite over this "O. Palmer Robinson" guy. I mean, he's still on your front cover!

Look, I just don't know how to say this. I think once I'm finished with you, you and I won't see each other for awhile. And I think it'll be for the best. I'll reference you every now and then! I promise. Really. You're great. It's not you.....honest, it's me.

Love,

Johnny

A Response to Rob Bell

The controversy (Read: Heresy) surrounding Rob Bell's new book has sparked this lovely parody. But more importantly, I hope that we recognize that questions need answers. Like, what IS the sound of one hand clapping? hmmm.

Robbed Hell - C.A.S.T. Pearls Presents from Canon Wired on Vimeo.

Seminary Haikus

Learning Greek Language
Means Relearning My English
I Stink at Grammar

Dear Herman Bavinck
Okay, You Know Everything
Must You Write it all?

Reading late at night
Fighting Sleep and Food Comas
Bad Combination

Never understood
Until I walked through these doors
The depth of our Christ

My Sister The Baller

Yes, I do have an older sister, and yes, she does exist. And my sister is a baller. No, she doesn't have an affinity for Pro Basketball, nor is she what some would call "a thug" (growing up in the ghetto's of Howard County. Not.) But a baller? She most certainly is.

Grace is living currently in Florida, with the whole husband, two kids, garage and gated community setup. This was actually the first time that I could actually come out and see her home and where she lives. Upon driving up to the house, I saw an Audi A4, BMW x5, a several Mercedes Benz's in the various driveways leading up to the house. This prompted me to ask my sister for how there could be such an arrangement.

Her response? Oh. Everyone who lives here owns these kinds of cars. They are like Honda Civic's around here. The only expensive cars THEY see are Mazzarati's and Ferrari's. Um. Excuse me?

Baller Status #1: Viewing incredibly expensive cars as normative.

Upon entering the home, I see two chairs sitting at the dining table that look very different than just your standard baby Chairs. It could morph into different chairs based upon how old they are I find out that they are made from a Swedish company named Svan. Price Tag? $300 Dollars.

Baller Status #2 Even your baby needs to roll deep in $300 Chairs.

As we continue on throughout the evening and ready for bed, my sister hands me a remote for what I think to be a TV. It however, turns out to be a remote for the ceiling fan to control the lighting settings for both the higher and lower lights, with adjustable controls.

Baller Status #3 Your ceiling fan needs a remote, because pulling on a ceiling fan chain was SO 2005.

Did I mention the Golf Course in the Backyard? Or the Digital Blackberry looking Baby Monitors? The Williams and Sonoma furniture adorning the pristine home maintained by the nanny that comes in every couple weeks or so? I could go on.

But most importantly, this made me realize all the more the weight of my life and where I was headed. As someone headed in to the pastorate, I realized that I have accepted much of the fact that there is a strong chance against me making a living that the world would call "successful". It is, in many ways, the Anti-"American Dream".....a lifestyle that is typically associated with frugal or even poverty stricken living. And or those on the outside looking in, this all might seem like such an admirable pursuit But for those trying to live it, we ask ourselves the question........really?

Do I really want to raise children knowing the fact that we could be in a situation where they are not taken care of? Really?

Can my selfish heart really abandon the desires of the flesh? Even what some here in America consider the "normal" standard of living? Really?

Can I fufill my role as a husband knowing that I might be in a situation where I cannot provide as much as I need to or should, both emotionally financially and spiritually? Really?

Can I really trust God to provide? Really? I mean.....Really????

And as I sat with my sister, drinking distilled water from their own water distiller (Baller Status #4 Because sometimes even filtered water just doesn't cut it), the answers to those questions came upon me.

Really. Yes. Really. I will. Really, because my dependency on God will be that much greater. Will be that much more necessary. Because my selfish heart needs to be broken and my perspectives changed. Because I am a product of a generation that demands the comforts that were never really needed to be begin with. And certainly there is nothing wrong with being well off....but it's not what God has called me to be. I understand that now maybe more than I did before.

Really. Truly.

This is why I can't be a baller. And I'm alright with that.

How to Spend $500 To Make a Fool Out of Yourself

Angi Kwak couldn't wait for me to post up videos of me learning Korean, so I happily obliged.

I have spent nearly all of my life being made fun of for my lack of Korean. Well, I'm sure this'll add more fuel to that fire. Oh well.

Saying "You Stink" in Christianese

Christian Authors are simply of a different breed than most others. They are in many ways, masochistic in their chosen profession. They choose to write books knowing that a very select group of people would actually read them, on topics that most nominal Christians would ever truly care about. I mean "The Theology of B.B. Warfield: A Systematic Study" isn't exactly destined for NY BestSeller status, if you know what I mean. Not only that, but those who actually DO read their books usually find some ways to criticize their written statements in ways that would destroy most common people's sensitivities. It would almost appear to be that if you aren't called a heretic, a bigot, a poor scholar of scripture, a person who is trying to please the world, a person who is out of touch with the world, or ignorant.....well then you havn't done your job correctly.

So it comes at no surprise that when a Christian writer comes under fire form ANOTHER Christian writer, the gloves come off and they are ready to brawl, theology style. And the hilarity ensues.

This is what I found in a book that I've been reading called "The Genesis Debate", which is an overview of the three most popular views on how God created the world.

1. 24-Hour View- God created the world in 7 24-Hour Days (Written By Duncan and Hall)
2. Day-Age View- God created the world in 6 long periods of time, with the 7th day being continued on (Written by Ross and Gleason)
3. Framework View- The writer of Genesis 1 did not mean to give a chronological treatment of Creation, rather, give a literary framework to demonstrate God as the Creator King. (Written by Irons and Kline)

But really, the funnier sides of this comes in the way they bash on each other by making the most use of their Thesaurus and Dictionary. I have written down their responses, and the translation in italics for what they would be saying if they had the vocabulary of a 7-year-old. This should be fun!

"As would be expected, then, Duncan and Hall's attempts to critique the framework interpretation reflect an inadequate grasp of our position."

Translation: Duncan and Hall are doo-doo-heads!

"Strangely, when Duncan and Hall finally do come close to citing our actual arguments, they still do not understand them properly and fail to give anything approaching a satisfying response"

Translation (Sung in the tune of Ring around the Rosy): Duncan and Hall are dummmmmmmies, Duncan and Hall are dummmmmmmies.

(Duncan and Hall's Response): "From the responses and their own essays later in this volume, it appears that either the Framework team has nearly convinced the day-age team of its position or vice versa. Marriage Invitations may go out soon, announcing the formal union [between the Framework and Day-Age Views]"

Translation: Framework and Day-Age Sitting in a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

(Day-Age Reply to 24-Hour): "Human interactions are wonderfully enriched- and complicated- by the interplay of intellectual and emotion......Our debate with Duncan and Hall, by contrast, seems less promising. "

Translation: I don't wannna play with Duncan and Hallllllll!! They are meanie heads!!!

"We simply charge them for failing to consider the logical implications of their young-earth interpretation of nature and Scripture"

Translation: I know you are, but what am I?

Blog Take 2.

One might say that this blog has failed miserably. I mean, after all.......Almost no comments ever, a perceived lack of interest due to a total lack of posting from the author, and not to mention a generic Green background that resembled the look of puke certainly didn't help anything. And what exactly does a Christian blog pretending to be funny accomplish?

Well, I am here to confirm everything that you all of have thought or stated. Indeed, no one commenting on this blog lead ever lead to a lack of interest from your author, feeling like his efforts were mostly wasted just to get a post from Joe saying "good one!". If I wanted Joe to say "Good one!" to me, I would just call him directly for such a statement. It certainly didn't require me to spend about 3 hours thinking of stuff to say. But I digress......

So why bring this blog back now? Well, for many many, many well justified and articulate reasons. Well, okay, maybe just a couple. Okay just 5. Bullet points:

1. I realized that writing is actually quite a soothing endeavor, in the fact that it allows me to be just about as idiotic as I possibly can in writing form, and then subjecting everyone who would actually take the time for such things towards my dumb humor. Needless to say I've deviated from the writing part quite alot and focused on videos in the past. In this manner I stopped "blogging" and started "trying-to-be-a-poor-mans-youtube". This error will not be repeated (I Hope).

2. I realized that my school requires me to write all the time. Like. All the time. No joke. So in the act of constantly writing, one might think that I would actually improve. I realize the first two goals seem a bit self serving. Oh well.

3. I actually still do believe in the mission of this blog...even if my execution of said mission has just been absolutely pathetic. I'm sorry. Forgiveness? Thanks. But I still believe that its alright for us as Christians to just laugh at ourselves......in some cases laugh at life in general, and realize that God does indeed and always gets the last laugh in the end.

4. I recently purchased Rosetta Stone in Korean. This blog will be some sort of an attempt to show my progress in learning Korean, which should provide some great hilarity in the process I'm sure for A)I'm korean and yet I can't speak it, B) I'm korean and I'm learning Korean. The goal of me learning Korean is in effect so hat I can serve the church at which I serve in with greater communication, and hopefully will lead to some funnier moments on this site.

5. I was terribly terribly bored and in need of something nostalgic to break the mold. I mean, you ever think back to that time in your life where you said "Gee, remember when I was learning how to play the guitar, and then quit? Man I should have never done that". Well, I said that, but I replaced "learning how to play the guitar with" "Starting a Christian blog that would change the world as we know it". I shouldn't have quit and this is a poor man's attempt to try and keep it running again.

With that in mind, I hope that the 6 of you that actually care will hold me accountable towards my efforts in the future. Posts are forthcoming.

Johnny