The Lee vs. Song Battle

Alright. So it's time to finally clear the air about the nature of Joe Lee and I....for our friendship has been greatly misinterpreted for so long that I feel like one of us (The more mature one), needs to explain why we are actually great friends...and not bitter, arguing, angry individuals that everyone would have us make us to be. The following is an authentic vision of our friendship, which means that everything that is about to be written is absolute truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And if Joe tells you otherwise he's lying because he knows I'm right.

Ahem. I'll continue.

So, in order to clarify everything, I will draw dialogue from one of me and Joe's actual conversations, with actions outlined in Parantheses, and actual intentions posted up in italics and bolded. I hope that this will give a greater insight onto our friendship, and why we are not as angry as we seem. Sometimes.

OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT:

The setting: A typical organizational meeting, with Joe being absurdly on time and impatiently checking his watch whilest I walk in......

Joe: Hey Johnny!!!! I love this man (Gestures to the other 3 people that are in the room, staring strangley)

Hey Johnny, I will demonstrate a loving attitude first to show that I am the better man, giving me leverage on our arguements that are about to come

Johnny: Oh hey man, what's up? Is everything good?

Casually creating small talk while trying to defend my body from the parts that Joe likes to touch neccesantly

Joe: Nothing much man......(Glances over at my mac laptop) Wait, what.....you think you're better than us now?

Enough of me being nice.....it's time to go to war

Johnny: You honestly think that liking Macintosh computers is a sign of arrogance?

I've just been blindsided and need time to prepare myself for the onslaught, so here's a meaningless question to stall you for a bit

Joe: I swear, it's almost as bad as turning off lights during worship.....soooo immature of this generation to ..(5 more minutes on how something as small as lighting creates a global disaster issue with Christianity as a whole, with the ocassional dovetails into John Piper quotes, fistpounding, and why he likes the small church)

Johnny: I can see where you're coming from...

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about

........but don't you think that......(a 2 minutes attempt at trying to present a counterarguement rife with bad analogies, incomplete sentences, and attempt to avoid looking at Joe's piercing gaze to throw me off track)

Joe: Maybe so

You are so wrong right now, and I can't believe I'm using this qualifier to slightly give me more ammo to counterargue

.....but I think that's totally bogus.

I win, you lose. Domination.

Johnny: Bogus? Who uses the word bogus anymore?

Bogus? Since when did Joe become a member of the 1985 Southern California Scene?

Joe: God-fearing, Biblical Christians. That's who.

I have been caught using a dumb word to defend my arguement, so I'm pulling out the God card in order to justify myself

Johnny: (Changing the subject) So how have you been man?

Trying to end the feud by asking a genuine question about his life and what's going on

Joe: Do you think the apostles ever ate turkey and gave thanksgiving?

I have taken your question about my life...and completely disregarded it by replacing it with a thought that just popped into my head. Nanana boo boo.

Johnny: What does this have to do with anything?

By going on track with the conversation, Joe will slowly realize how ridiculous he is being and then must concede. Must......get.....him....back.....on.....topic...

Joe: Isn't the apostle's turkey eating a sign of treachery against the established Moses law?

Not a chance, Songboy......Operation "Make no sense" is in full effect

Johnny: Who thinks about these things????????? Seriously....

Casual Observer: Hey...are you two alright?

Joe and Johnny: What? Man we're so tight! What are you talking about?

Eccesiastes 4:9-10